Surviving the holiday party season as an introvert

Party season for introverts can prove more of a source of stress than joy. You may want to participate in the celebrations or feel obligated to join but are filled with a sense of dread over attending. You may not understand why something that seems to be a pleasant experience for others causes such aggravation.  

This is because as an introvert your energy gets replenished through alone time. When you want to unwind after a long day, you’ll likely plan for a quiet evening at home. Whereas an extrovert gets energized through spending time with others. A holiday party is an extrovert’s anecdote to replenishing energy.  

Many introverts are also highly sensitive people who tend to take in more of their world than their extroverted counterparts. In other words, introverts must sift through a lot of information. Unfortunately, because humans naturally hold a negativity bias, information like non-verbal communication often gets interpreted through a negative lens. When an introvert is making small talk and notices the person they are speaking to briefly glance toward the floor, it’s viewed as a sign of disinterest. Now you question the value of what you’re saying and become self-conscious. The interaction feels like a disaster, even though the listener could have just as easily been distracted by an itch on their ankle.

Extroverts on the other hand may not even notice the listener’s eye movement. Without being interrupted by this stimulus, they can continue talking, never having to question the value of their communication.

So how can an introvert survive the holiday party season? Here are 10 tips.

 1. Accept who you are. Even though we live in an extroverted society, about half of us are introverts. You’re not alone. Carrying a belief that something that is hard for you is easy for everyone else is false. This shameful belief prevents you from walking out the door.

2. Accept your feelings. The dread you feel is just that, a feeling. Naming and accepting our emotions without judgment often makes them feel less intense.

3. Challenge or ignore your negative interpretations. Realize you’re probably not as good at reading non-verbals as you think you are because of your negativity bias.

4. Pace yourself. Socializing depletes energy. Know your limits. If you’re invited to three parties and that feels like too much, pick the one you most want to go to. Choose quality over quantity. For more information on this see my blog post “The Introvert Equation: Why small talk can be difficult and what can help”

 5. Practice good self-care. Socializing takes energy. Accepting your feelings and challenging negative self-talk is hard work. You need good reserves. Leading up to the party, get plenty of rest, water, and nutritious foods. Soothe your nervous system by engaging in movement or using mindfulness tools.

6. Set realistic expectations and achievable goals. You’re probably not going to be the life of the party. You don’t have to be. What would success look like for you? Talking to one person? Two?

7. Get a cheerleader. Find someone who understands your challenges and wants you to succeed. If you don’t have someone like this in your life, you can create an internal resource. Think of someone you admire, even if you don’t know them personally. Then imagine them in your corner rooting you on.

8. Remember socializing is a skill. Some skills come easier than others. Anyone can learn a skill and improve with practice.

9. Embrace your gift. Introverts are typically good listeners. People appreciate being heard.

10. Be open. Leave room for the possibility that you may have a really good time!